19-Striking a Right Balance between Parents and Children.

The instrument Veena is as ancient as the Vedas. Once Gautam Buddha asked his disciple, Do you know to play  Veena?  The disciple said. Yes Master. Buddha came up with the next question asking him whether it is fine  if the strings are tied very tight so that it produces a melodious sound. The disciple said. No Master, the  strings should be tied neither too tight nor too loose.  Loose strings will make sound the instrument out of  tune. So the strings are to be tied in such a way that they are neither too loose nor too tight to sound in perfect tune and melody. Buddha continued  to say that we should keep the strings of life neither too loose  nor too tight, a harmonious balance is just right.

Great Saint Pramukh Swami Maharaj says that parents should strive to apply this principle of balance to  their parenting approach. Parents should ask themselves, “While teaching my children am I too strict, or am I too permissive ? Parents has to strike a harmonious balance between being strict and being permissive by practising empathy and loving discipline when needed.

Parents want the best for their children and at times set high standards for their kids, which they  themselves could  not achieve. The mentality is “Do as I say and Not As I do”. This attitude creates many problems in a child’s development. CHILDREN MIRROR THEIR PARENTS.

Some shocking statistics

  • Alcoholism runs in families. Children of alcoholics are four times more likely than others to become  alcoholics. Do you want your kids to turn an alcoholic when he grows up ?..If NO, then stop this habit immediately so that the next generation is saved along with your generation.
  • A 20 year study show that children of parents who engage in domestic violence are much more likely to  engage in violence in their own marriage.
  • Studies show that educated parents instill patterns of thinking and early reading instruction that form a vital foundation for later learning.

How to improve ?

Consider this perspective from the Nobel Prize Winner Rabindranath Tagore “There is none more unfortunate than the child who gets his every demand. A child needs to learn  that nothing comes free in this world-you have to work and earn for what you want. When a child asks for something today’s parent pulls some money from his pocket and the wish is granted for the kid almost  immediately. Our parents were not like this. They have to buy for all the kids if at all they plan to buy. They made us understand the value of money and how difficult it is to earn money. There are more than two children in any home in those days. But now, there is this only son/daughter family or two kids maximum and whatever they ask, without thinking we buy it for them. How will they know the value of money ?

Our cultural and religious identity is our precious heritage. Raise children to follow our religious heritage and values.

Take time to introspect and analyse and improve yourself.

Identify your positive attributes, which you would be proud to pass on your children, as well as traits which you would not wish to pass on to your children. Become a positive Role Model for your kid.

Limit negative influences in your child’s environment by monitoring their television viewing, friends and  internet usage.

Create a tradition of buying children captivating books for their birthday

Set loving and firm limits to help children differentiate between acceptable and unacceptable  behavior.

Parents should encourage and motivate to excel the kids in their education. If the child doesn’t perform  well, do not belittle him with negative comments such as “You failed ! You are fool !” We have tried all  these words. No improvement. So let us try the opposite way. Let us say ” Don’t worry, my dear. You  did learn a substantial amount, but there is still room to improve. You can always try again. God will give you the strength”. You are going to be the limelight in your class on your next exam results” Wait and Watch.. (Definitely this approach works.. 🙂 )

Let there be a family meal time, Prayer time and bedtime talks between all the members of the family.

Your role model as a good parent will make your kid a good parent when he/she becomes one and what is more fulfilling and achieving in your life  than this to see your kids become good human beings with all positive traits like love,compassion, discipline etc..etc. If you are loving towards them, then they will learn to be kind and loving towards their family, friends and community. They also mature emotionally and socially. Its all in your hands to develop balanced and happy children.
Have a Happy Parenting... 🙂

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